Today my granddaughter Joni goes in for a scan. She was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer as a baby. She went from the tough case on the sad cancer floor at five months of age to the miracle baby six months later. Those days and nights in the hospital listening to her suffer from the treatment that would save her comes crashing back as we wait for the results.
‘All shall be well’- that famous phrase from Julian of Norwich – is a tough thought for me today. As I breath in and settle into the quietness of prayer, it is clear that ‘…all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well‘ is not from this world. Certainly during dark times it can even sound dismissive. Aren’t we meant to worry, fret and be fearful? There is even a word for my particular case: ‘scan-xiety’.
The song ‘All is well with my soul’ was written by a man whose grief and loss was unimaginable. We have the choice to turn toward God or away. In turning toward, what we bring is our intensely raw and honest emotion. As contemplatives we learn that to be in this relationship with the divine we need to show up as we are and listen.
There is another memory of our time in that little room in the hospital. During those specific periods when the pain was too much for Joni and all that could be done was done for her, her Mom would hold and console her with ‘beyond’ human ability. We each had a clear awareness of the presence of God, especially during those moments. My daughter, my son-in-law and I spoke of it often. We were not alone. We were held and comforted. It was like being enveloped in a cushy blanket of peace and love, moment by moment, until Joni felt a bit better.
Julian of Norwich believed in a force of love moving through the universe that holds us fast and will never let us go. My prayer in this season is for you to know and be in deep relationship with this force of love. Then, out of gratitude and awe, may we bring love into this broken wonderful world.
